The website, omg guys, the website, the website is definitely going to happen. This isn’t a Dadaist thing where I spend a lot of time working you up into a frenzy about a website that will never happen. That is not what is happening here. Even though I would quite like that.

In fact, one of my favourite ever experiences felt like we were being taken for idiots in a Dadaist act. I was on holiday with my boyfriend (yeah, sorry guys, I have a boyfriend, so please – only extremely discreet offers) in Turkey. We went on a boat trip. It was all bordering the ridiculous. They played loud Europop and there was a man who looked so spookily like a mash up of Richard Madeley & Richard Herring that we bought the DVD of all the photos taken by the guy who harrassed everyone on the boat taking photos of them so we would have a memento of Richard Herring Madeley (he was German).

One part of the boat trip involved going to see ‘where all the fish are’ and the fish were supposedly made of phosphorus or something – they were supposed to glow OR SOMETHING. They handed us all stale bread in carrier bags & told us to throw it in the sea for the fish.

THERE WASN’T A SINGLE FISH. A group of people just tossed bread into the ocean to a soundtrack of Tatu for no discernible reason. That was my favourite bit of the whole holiday.

BUT THAT ISN’T HAPPENING HERE, GUYS. Chill off, don’t worry.

The website is on its way – I just need you to throw some bread in the internet.

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